In the following I am presenting a subjective piece of writing. Personally I like to call it performative writing or automatic writing: letting it flow out of my hand as experience dictates it.
However, more important than the style is what I wanna present. And that is related to ways we can heal ourselves and access our inner physician through the powerful experience of becoming present with our skin-covered hereness.
The case study: being, moving and expressing the pain.
„This morning. Still pain in my sacrum.
A slight anger/anxiety determining my body’s nervous energy. Something draws me to the book ‚Tibetian book of living and dying’ … I feel fear is my issue. A deep core issue. Beneath the fear…anger, confusion. I open any page. I read a few lines and slowly a peaceful feeling settles throughout my body – my awareness can expand.
I have a long hot shower, rub myself with salts. Stand. For a long time. Let the water touch all parts of my body. Welcoming my body. Embracing it.
After drying myself of I follow my impulse to lie naked on my bed. Feet up the wall, spreading wide.
My left leg keeps twitching. First, I just let it, not paying much attention. Then I consciously start to work with it. How does my leg feel? What does it wanna do?
Its tense. It wants to kick out, kick something away. I keep doing it for a while, then sadness arises and I set it free through sound and tears.
My leg calms down. My sacrum feels better. My left jaw seems to be working – I just observe. After a while it stops.
I lie there for a bit longer, watch the clouds passing my window.
Carefully I get up. Stand on my feet. Walk a few steps.
My legs feel more present. Both of them.
My sacrum is without pain. My left side feels more integrated. My legs feel much more connected. To earth. Like they are MY LEGS…..“
It doesn’t matter how long I have been working with the body and its innate wisdom, I keep being amazed, stunned even, by the way it works, by just allowing hereness and nowness.
Can anybody do this? Yes.
Are we afraid to do this? Yes.
Will I feel resistance? Yes.
Will my mind try to distract me? Yes.
Doing versus being
Often we are simply too afraid of just letting ourselves be. It seems easier to DO something about it rather than to BE with it.Run around, see a doctor, take some pills, call somebody, be angry or upset about it… Absurd, but true: we often choose to keep moaning about the pain, rejecting it, fighting it than to actually allow it.Relax into it.
Fear keeps us from being present
Personally I believe that at the root of all fear is the fear of death; a fear that if I stand still and experience I will free fall into the unknown, forcing me to give my ‘self’ as I know it plus the illusion that “I alone am the maker and controller”, up.
And yet, once you are in a free-fall towards presentness it seems so easy, so unlikely that one thought that the light one is experiencing was supposed to be darkness.
Thus: Feeling it is not the problem, the resistance to it is. Without resistance relaxation (of the body) becomes possible, because you stop looking for something.
I love this way that is an approach to life, a way of being rather than a technique. I like it as a way of working with myself and my clients. Here you and I can find all the depth, the fulfillment, the wonder of life as it opens up the gates of fear and leaves us with a world of wonder. Which is what this life is.
Movement therapy – meeting eye to eye
In this way I can act as a guide for my clients rather than telling them what to do. Creating a space, in which you can learn to let yourself and all your feelings and sensations be. This will give you all the answers you need.
It is very powerful to be heard and seen (witnessed) in your totality as a human being.
Thus, therapy becomes a (exciting) journey rather than a “I am okay and you are not okay”.
First step – Breathe and touch
A first step is to become aware of what is. Be the observer:‚Aha,I feel pain and I feel irritated by it’, or ‚I am restless and my mind tells me this is stupid’.
Breathe and touch these feelings and sensations inside your body. Stay with them for a while. Remain curious of what they wanna do: intensify, transform or…
Second step – Impulses
Follow (physical) impulses you have. These feel more immediate and physical than those suggested by judgmental thoughts that just wanna take us away from the experience.
Be aware of ‘twitching’ as a form of resistance – trying to distract you from the energy, the emotion that really wants to show up.
Relax into it, be with it and it will change
Relax into restlessness, be with it and you find a sense of peace.
Relax into confusion, be with it and you find clarity.
Relax into insecurity, be with it and you find self worth.
Relax into physical pain, be with it and you find out what emotion is hidden in it that you wanted to deny, reject or not feel.
Have an adventure – free fall inside yourself and fall into the now.
For questions about this work or sessions with me,contact me via Mail. I am looking forward to hearing from you and about your experiences: